Getting the right Address: How speaking to Women in Saudi needs to change

I came across a video on X featuring a middle-aged Saudi woman sharing her thoughts on how she is greeted by men. The issues behind addressing a woman seems to be a sensitive issue - for both sides.

The lady in the video complained that when being served in shops, she (and all Saudi women) is often called "Khala," a term that means "aunt" from the maternal side. Her complaint is that being called Khala by strange men is inappropriate and judgmental.

I agree, it is inappropriate because the person doesn't know her, and judgmental because he's assuming she's elderly. Although the term is associated with respect and familiarity, it's supposed to be used only among those who know each other or are somehow acquainted.

I might call the mother of a friend I see for the first time Khala, but that's only if we're on good terms; otherwise, there are other terms to use. And if it's not about age - because with this word it usually is - then it’s still inappropriate.

In reality, this word is mainly used by Saudi men in service roles - shops, restaurants, etc - and often addressed to women perceived to be over 45. In contrast, "Ukhti," meaning "sister," is reserved for younger women.

The joke among Saudi women is that when you’re called Khala for her first time, it's an official confirmation that you looks over 45, whether you are or not.

This language in the service sector, with its lack of professional distance, only came after Saudization - a policy implemented by the government to ensure more jobs are filled by Saudi nationals. While male service staff call women Khala, Saudi female workers also have some role to play in this; they use terms like "sweetheart," "darling," and "lovely." And no, please don't confuse this with the UK expressions; it’s very übergriffig (intrusive) in the Saudi context.

Before Saudization, there were Egyptians and Lebanese who used "madam," like in other parts of the Gulf, where these terms are more common and professional.

The woman in the video highlights that while Saudi women have gained many rights, aspects of social interactions still need improvement and respect. She urges Saudi men to learn more about etiquette when dealing with women.

A friend said she doesn’t mind being called Khala, but the majority don't want to be called that; they prefer the distancing.

One friend said, “On what basis does he assume I'm his Khala?” That elegance of dealing with others is part of the respect some people need to learn, respecting women, situations, and professions.

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